Do Manatees Bite?

Welcome to Florida.  Normally when folks arrive in our country (I realize technically it's part of the United States but honestly, people in the state stop working if Fidel Castro is rumored to have died - so it really can't be part of the US, right?).  So welcome.  It usually only takes one fire ant attack for new Floridians to realize you never walk or sit on the grass here.  Stay on paved surfaces, drive the convertible you just purchased and drink plenty of fluids.

Also, only tourists think manatees are friendly sea cows like the media has portrayed them.

They are dinosaurs who happen to be herbivores yet protect their young in the same manner as tigers.  Essentially, think of manatees as the tigers of the sea.  Beautiful to look at but only if you are behind about 3 inches of plexiglass.  I feel like I am especially qualified to discuss this as I am the only person in the state of Florida that has survived a manatee attack.  Granted the entire altercation was my fault, but still, I managed to get away.

So yes, Victoria, Manatees bite, weigh 800lbs and have been in Florida since the dawn of time.  Give them a wide berth, never approach them in the wild and pretend you like them (or newbies might think you're a weirdo.)


© John Gaudiano
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